Let me start at the beginning

On October 13th 2009 I found out that my boyfriend of five years, with whom I shared a home, made a home, wasn’t sure about marrying me after all, and my world seemingly fell apart. On October 15th my father flew me home to Louisville KY to regroup. As I was walking down the moving sidewalk I knew everything was going to be ok again because my father was waiting for me on the other side, and for better or worse (I think better), I will always be my daddy’s girl. As I went to hug him hello and take my first breath of relief in a day and a half I saw he was on the phone. As he hung up with the caller I finally got to wrap my arms around him and breathe. His first words to me were “my father just died.” And thus began my journey.

To make an extraordinarily long story short I’ll cut to the chase. Between mid October and the beginning of January I took a long and hard look at the state of my relationship and the state of my life and gutted the whole thing. I broke up with my boyfriend, moved back into my studio, changed careers and decided to live life to my fullest. You see, I was a Good Little Girl who grew up to be a Well Behaved Woman. And though that gave me a comfortable life, it did not give me a happy life. And I’ll be damned if I don’t have a life that is overflowing with joy.

What does this have to do with coming to Israel this summer you ask? Well, ever since I left Israel I told myself one day I’ll move back for a few months and find the part of myself that simply could not survive anywhere else. But I was so focused on leading a “responsible” life, a “comfortable” life that each year I told myself I’ll go back to Israel another year. Maybe after I get married. After my career takes off. After I have children. And before I know I’ll be at the end of my life and all I'd be able to say would be well, I had a comfortable life. Never has the word "comfortable" had such a negative connotation. So this Good Little girl who grew up to be a Well Behaved Woman is grabbing life by the balls and saying fuck it. Let’s see what happens when I mix things up and actually become an active member in my own life.

I don’t know what direction this blog will take, but I welcome you to join me as I find out.