Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Answer

In my last post I had a lot of questions for myself. One that has been sticking out was "Am I supposed to go through life with moderate to low expectations so I'm not disappointed as easily or am I to stay true to my nature which is to love and smile and laugh and get excited over anything, from delicious chocolate morsels to helping save a dog's life? "

I found the answer. It's the latter.

As it turns out life can be as wonderful as I imagine it to be and there is nothing wrong with loving and laughing and getting excited over silly small things or truly important things. Going through life with low or moderate expectations will just make life dimmer. And if I keep searching for what I am looking for I won't be disappointed because it's out there. In the past I was held back by fear. Fear of leaving Comfort. Fear that moderate happiness is really the best that is available (so why bother looking for better?). Fear that I will walk away just before things become good. But I know now that Comfort is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Moderate Happiness is an oxymoron. And that if I wait for things to become good I'll never find that something that already is good.

Since arriving at Kibbutz Holit life has turned around. I have found a calm happiness that I didn't know I ever craved. Before life on Holit I could never imagine myself living anything but the crazy busy city life, but being here has shown me that life can actually be more fulfilling with less. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long I've felt stress free. Truly and totally. I'm not worried about meeting quota for my job or if I have enough cash to go out for Happy Hour. I'm not concerned with who is doing what to whom and who is winning. There is no TV show that I am rushing to get home to watch (or DVR as it were). No racing heartbeat when I hear the subway coming and I don't have my metro card out to catch it in time. Life is simple.

I supposed I should give you a glimpse into my life here on Holit to paint a picture of my new summer life.

Sundays through Thursdays:
Wake up at 6:30am (which I don't even mind so you know something is special here)
Have breakfast with my bosses and co-worker from 7:00ish-7:30ish.
Work in the orchards from 7:30ish - 12:00ish (with a 30ish minute break at 10:00ish).
Lunch with everyone on the kibbutz from 12:00ish-12:45ish .
Work in the orchards from 1:00ish - 2:30ish

I use "ish" because that's how time works here. The world doesn't end if you take a 32 minute break. Somehow we still manage to go on if we start lunch at 12:03. And low and behold the world doesn't end if we don't get picked up from work to go home until 2:41.

After work we (the volunteers) hang out, go to Computers (the computer room), play Corn Holes in the back yard, kick the ball around (or in my case watch the boys kick the ball around), watch TV, read (we do that the most), nap, catch up on phone calls, etc.

Then at 6:30 we all (the entire kibbutz) have dinner together in the dining room until about 7:30.

After we eat most of the people from dinner hang out together in the court yard watching the kids play and the dogs nap as we eat our ice cream and candy and talk. (And a lot of the talking is in Hebrew which only adds to the happiness).

After sunset we do more of the same that we do between work and dinner. Sometimes the volunteers (there are 5 of us) and some of the other younger people on the kibbutz also play cards, watch movies, or just hang out together as someone picks up the communal guitar and sings. The conversation flows and at times so does the wine and beer.

The weekends are just as relaxing.

Fridays and Saturdays:
We have a pub on the kibbutz (which is actually a bomb shelter) so we sometimes drink there. We go down the cement stairs as someone turns on the music and yet another pours the drinks and opens the bottles. Or we'll take a day trip to the beach or maybe find a small mountain/hill to climb and look over to Gaza and the other surrounding areas. Sometimes we'll just climb a building (the laundry room, a monument in the area, etc) and make tea and talk. This past Friday night we went to a Moshav about 15 minutes away from the Kibbutz. We parked the cars by the reservoir, turned on the music, fired up the hookah and star-gazed.

It just goes to show that not giving up the search to find what I was looking for was the right move. Settling is never necessary. It's out there, what I want, what you want, we just have to be willing to look for it, and sometimes create it.

2 comments:

  1. Sounds simply amazing. So much love to you from our corner of the world :)

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  2. I am so happy for you and your discoveries, Ayelet! I don't know how to explain it other than I feel happiness bursting from within my heart when I read about your travels (physically and other). I love you more than words.

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