The Body Keeps The Score (Originally Written June 24, 2024)

I’ve been feeling nervous all day. Heart racing, head swimming, stomach in knots. 

The typical stuff when I’m feeling very nervous. But I couldn’t understand what my body was picking up on that my conscious mind had not.

And then it hit me.

I’m flying alone today for the first time since October 7th.

I wear my Magen David (Star of David) necklace proudly, always. Today will be no different. But today Alex will stay behind with the boys in the safety of our sweet little home.

But I’m flying into LGA and New York feels like the least safe city to be a Jew these days (or at least a close second behind LA).

I guess my brain is trying to get my body ready to run. Or fight? Either way, to stay alive and unharmed.

This feeling, my body’s understanding how to prepare me to survive, is deep in my DNA. It is doing a good job. I am thankful for its wisdom.

From the Spanish Inquisition, to the Pogroms in Lithuania, to the ghettos in Germany. Somewhere, someone in my lineage ran or fought, or I suppose hid.

But I won’t hide. So I’ll do what I tell my boys to do every day. I’ll be scared but I’ll do it anyway.